Postcards: Westport, CA: Life=Solved.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth" - Robert Frost

Ok, so if you know that poem, you know that after that first bit, he goes on to make a decision to take the road less travelled and feels pretty good about himself blah blah blah. That's great for him, I'm happy for him, but I think the most important part of this poem is right at the beginning, while we can all still relate. Honestly, if you were literally in the freaking woods, would you take a dark path that no ones been down in a hundred years? Because if you do that here in Mendocino County, you might stumble onto an angry mountain man with a shotgun, or get eaten by a mountain lion. Its just not the smart choice. Especially if you have a lovely paved path with those cute little plaques along the way telling you stories about trees or whatever. Anyway, I'm getting distracted. What I'm trying to get at here, is that we often come to crossroads in life and I'm pretty sure its usually a lot harder than writing a fancy poem to find which way to take.

Currently, I don't have just two simple paths. I have a whole mess of little deer trails leading into various nooks and crannies, and the interstate on another side with a thousand exits that look like they lead you straight to food and lodging, but actually take you 20 minutes out of your way and you still can't find In-n-Out. So here I stand, trying to be poetic, but more just staring blankly ahead getting distracted by shiny objects and the Kardashians on MTV.

At long last I have come to the looking-down-as-far-I-could-to-where-it-bent-in-the-undergrowth part. OKAY. Step one. CHECK.
My mom came to town and we went on a little expedition to the coast over in Westport. The northern Californian coast is...wild. I'm talking no cell service, no wifi... and a huge swell on top of the normally massive waves.

Westport, CA

Sunny view from the studio porch.

We stocked up on supplies: wine, cheese, grapes, and chocolate. Picked up some soul searching books, and literally just shut ourselves in and read entire books at a time. Normally, non-fiction tell-you-what-you're-doing-wrong books are not my thing... Unless Oprah says its cool, then you know its legit, but we had a stack of books and a notebook and made a goal to just read for the sake of reading and cross reference or whatever.

Supplies

View from the table. I know, life is tough.

View from the kitchen table window.

Let me tell you, having been out of school for a while it was the closest thing to homework I've had in a long time. Most of it was just quotes and quirky little "what kind of learner are you" kind of things where you answer a bunch of questions and it tells you why your life hasn't been a piece of cake. OBVIOUSLY you're just not using your chakras properly, or whatever... I'm still not totally clear on what chakras are but they sound complicated and I can't be bothered to figure it out.

So in case anyone else was wondering why their life wasn't a beam of sunshine raining money and six pack abs, I've FIGURED IT OUT.
And I'm going to share it with you. YOU'RE WELCOME. Donations can be made to the cause of me going to Thailand.

Sunset from the studio porch.

1. Be mindful of the wonder... Ok obviously this is why I'm not hugely successful. I don't even know what this MEANS.
2. Think and act purposefully. Oh ok, yeah, that too, uh huh. Anyone who knows me will know that this is just out of the question.... I mean, yes I'll work on that.
3. Experience your work as your calling. Ummmm I'm a waitress..
4. Actively learn the lessons of hardship. I feel like this should be obvious. The first time I touched a hot stove was also the last. Furthermore, after I couldn't eat for two weeks post-surgery, I LEARNED that pizza is AMAZING. I've got this one on lock.
5. Seek the win/win. Oh REALLY, thank you Captain Obvious. Tip top advice.
6. Remind yourself of your true self. This seems like a cop out. Isn't the entire book supposed to be about that? Shouldn't this one have like a little sub-list or something?
7. Move on. Oh. Right, ok I'll just do that then. Sweet, thanks. Life=Solved.
8. Be hopeful and optimistic. Whoops. Ok THIS is definitely my problem.. Easy fix.
9. Perceive hardship as temporary. No no, THIS one. Definitely this one.
10. Recognize when "good enough" will do. Um excuse me, but Tyra Banks suggests otherwise. BE FIERCE, GIRL. OH NO HE DI-INT! It might just be me, I don't know, but I feel like everything everyone has ever taught me ever has been the polar opposite of this statement.
11. Observe the storm. I don't really like rain anyways...
12. Become who you want to be. Again. This seems like an awfully big statement. This is like saying, "How to be rich: Just, you know. Make a bunch of money." SWEET thanks!
13. Be afraid and go ahead anyway. Ignore my instincts, settle for "good enough", watch storms. Got it.
14. Experience heartfelt positivity. I wish he'd told me this at the beginning of this list...
15. Give yourself permission to be human. I don't need permission, I'm FIERCE like Tyra! You don't know me! Gimme that book, I'll write it for you.

I just want to add right now, that those aren't even all of them. This book had like 101 of these. One hundred and one! I mean I have a hard time focusing on microwave popcorn instructions and thats only, what, 3 steps?

There was also one that challenged us to not say the following for 24 hours:

"I can't"

"I have to"

"I don't have time to"

Instead we are supposed to say:

"I won't", "I choose not to", "I don't want to", "I've decided not to."

"I will", "I want to", "I choose to", "I've decided to."

"I'm going to do something else", "That's not my highest priority."

Which I found potentially dangerous. What if you are being held hostage, picture this with me...
A bank is being robbed. You're at the window with a gun to your face. The safe is locked, there is no one to open it, you do not have the key... The man with the gun demands that you open the safe.

....."I've decided not to."

So maybe he settles for whatever cash everyone has on hand. After he's obviously shot you because you were being a jerk. He chooses someone to collect everyones wallets and reveals that he has a bomb strapped to his chest counting down 1 minute. There are a lot of people in the bank, there is no way they have time to collect all the wallets. The robber gets aggravated and they say,

......."I'm going to do something else."

Well thats lovely, now everyone is dead, but on the bright side, you were well on your way to "finding yourself" up until that point..

Ok, so thats pretty extreme, but in all seriousness, there are just some things in life that you "Can't" "have to" or "don't have time to" do.
I can't speak Mandarin. If I go to China and someone tries to speak to me I'm not going to say, "I've decided not to speak Mandarin."
I have to go to gynaecologists once in a while. Never in my life have I said, "I've decided to go get stabbed in the cervix."
When my boss tells me to stay late one day, and I've got to be on a ferry or I'll miss a very important appointment, I don't say, "I'm going to do something else."

Having said all of that, we came away from our weekend with a clearer head, somehow. I know its hard to think of me enlightened.. Something about three days of salty air and no electronics really realigns your thoughts. The house we stayed at literally has the ocean in the backyard. The car windows were all salty from being parked there and having the ocean spray in the wind. The most interesting things I learned from this trip was actually when we got back to reality.
I spent three days basically sitting and staring at waves and wasn't bored for a second. I came back and five minutes into a movie, texting someone, and checking facebook I was bored to tears.

I realize my blog is online, so this is not the place to preach about this, and also that I have in fact sold my soul to the internet - sometimes I accidentally check Facebook.. Without even realizing it... But turning it all off was the only way I was able to switch back on.